I'll Be Back--And Now I Am

Over a year and a half ago, I started this blog with the intention of becoming a film blogger. I love movies and I love writing--what could go wrong? But as I struggled through an already incredibly lax posting schedule, I came to realize that I didn't have my own voice. I avoided long-form reviews because I couldn't come up with enough words about any of the films I watched, regardless of whether I loved them or hated them, and my short summaries of notable viewings in monthly recap posts just felt redundant even with the severely shortened word count. Worst of all, I really wasn't enjoying myself, writing for the sake of it--writing in the hopes that it would eventually improve--rather than because it was something I truly enjoyed. I never really resolved to take a break, rather I just kind of gave up and stopped posting. Here and there I tinkered with the idea of starting again--I have a few half-finished drafts rattling around this account to prove it--but I never mustered the enthusiasm to actually finish a post and press "publish". Even knowing that I have no following, no steady readers, it felt wrong to start up again if I didn't intend to stick to it this time. And I knew I wouldn't, because I still hadn't found that special thing, that voice that's more than just fancy words and scholarly terms cobbled together to form a description of a motion picture.

But then, last October, something suddenly changed. I challenged myself to watch as many horror movies as I could in the weeks leading up to Halloween, and I even reviewed some of them--and I actually had fun, and I actually could return to my reviews a few days later and still appreciate them.  I was finding my voice. But then school and work and sleep interfered and for several months, I really didn't write anything--but I actually had the desire to, which I hadn't before. I made the choice to join 2 weekly film challenges in 2017, each involving a weekly film viewing based on a theme and a review of the chosen movie, and now, as we near the end of April, I have yet to give up. I've gotten very behind at times, but I always catch up and write the required review--always long-form ones, never the simple summaries I restricted myself to before. And what do you know, I'm really enjoying my writing, not just the process of it. I like the way I write about films and I take joy in picking my own brain to come up with new ways of looking at or talking about the films I'm seeing, no longer worrying over whether its all been said before or whether my ideas are unique enough to be worth publishing.

And so, I think it's finally time to officially get this blog up and running again. I've shined the place up with a new theme and new banner image--a still from one of my new favorite films, All That Heaven Allows--and hopefully this time I'll succeed, applying my newfound confidence in my writing to more than just reviews for challenges. Wish me luck, and definitely stick around--I'd love to have you on board as I continue my whirlwind journey through the history of cinema.


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